Friday, June 5, 2009

Old Navy: Why?

There is not a day gone by that if someone asked me why I was wearing something I couldn't tell them. I don't care if it's when I am standing outside my burning apartment at 3am. (Blackhawks sweatpants: hockey is the best sport--the dudes are hot and not jocky, its violent, and they don't take time-outs. The only other sports vibe I am into is LA Raiders gear [south central 90's style: unbeatable; also suggests violence] and San Diego Chargers--for personal reasons); the tshirt I wore that day which would usually mean plain color of brown, black, or maroon--no big deal, or a shirt with a big grim reaper on it: grim reaper--bad ass, suggests death. Cool and semi-scary although I welcome death personally [No Fear!], or some band shirt such as metallica, slayer, aerosmith, etc which duh, all rule.
Right now I am wearing a black tank, Ron Jon surf shop sweatshirt (surfing rules and this item lets people know that I am into a laid back lifestyle), graffiti patterned pants (down with the streets; any tight fitting patterned pant looks awesome--think Sandra Bernhardt on Roseanne), and brown cowboy boots (they look great). And this is just my "around the house outfit"!
WHY would one wear a shirt or sweatshirt that has been printed, stitched, and/or EMBLAZIONED with the words "Old Navy"???????
I get it if someone is wearing a shirt that says "CK" (Calvin Klein). Yes, they are a pure novice as well as a total tool, but the lifestyle brand of Calvin Klein is understandably desirable if you are a serious bore who was into the Hamptons in the late 80's or something. For a while at least, at SOME point, Calvin Klein--as a label--was considered elegant and expensive. He made the 1st designer jean, kind of iconic right? Dude, I even understand it if someone is wearing a Tommy Hilfiger shirt. I kind of like it! Regardless, idiots who wear these things at least know in some way that they are (trying to) represent what that particular brand's vibe is. (Most people don't realize that actual rich people wear cashmere and shit and don't mess around with logos, which makes this issue very depressing in an obvious way.)
The Old Navy situation is the biggest doozie though! WHAT IS THE POINT??? 'Hey everybody how ya doin, just wanna let yall know right from the get-go that I'm totally 100% AV-ER-AAAAGE! I went to a store (Old Navy--yes I know you've heard of it, thats the point) and I picked this out. Didn't even try it on. (Their smallest size fits like an extra large so I always know its cool...) They had ones that were plain, logo-free, but then how would you guys know that I didn't pay a lot of money for this? I can't trust that you would know if I bought a plain one, cos even after one wash when this beast looks like I found it in the gravel parking lot of a motel in the middle of the desert, that I didn't spend a lot of money on it, but hey, it wasn't that cheap either! Anyhoo who wants to grab some Subway? Five dolla fooooot-long!'

I would ask one of these perps, cos I see about 50 a day, but I'm afraid.

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