Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Love/Hate: Hate

101 Things I Hate

1. Doritos
2. Goatees
3. Kevin Smith--him as a person and his vibe when copied by others; trenchcoats in gen
4. Pleats
5. When dudes wear soccer shirts as streetwear
6. Sofia Coppola
7. Network TV
8. Underbites
9. M*A*S*H
10. Seinfeld
11. Curb Your Enthusiasm
12. When dudes exaggerate neurotic behavior to appear complicated and/or charming
13. People who give themselves nicknames
14. McDonalds wrappers
15. Talking about politics
16. When 9-5 office types have bands that sound like Mogwai
17. Bud Light
18. Outdoor festivals
19. When people think some band is metal but isn't (DTFM)
20. Pearl Jam and its members, esp EV although the song 'Black' is ok but not often
21. Facial piercings
22. Musicals
23. White dreads
24. People pretending to be bike messengers
25. Unframed posters
26. Eurotrash with attitude probs
27. TJ Maxx dressing room
28. Centaurs
29. Pot and pot paraphernalia
30. Bettie Page bangs
31. Stained pillows
32. PDA and/or an extended embrace during a live band
33. Slow walkers
34. Portland
35. Overcautious women on corny, expensive foreign bicycles (usually a cruiser of some kind)--the type of woman who has a blog about her bike, wears Camper shoes, and listens to Poi Dog Pondering.
36. Video games
37. Crayons
38. Singer-songwriters
39. People who stand and watch street performers while nodding their heads as if they "really get it"
40. Cooked carrots
41. Inflamed gums
42. Teens
43. Stained carpet
44. Curled-brimmed baseball caps
45. Pleated mini-skirts
46. Square-toed shoes or boots
47. Tears-of-a-clown vibe
48. Romance
49. J Crew
50. Banana Republic
51. Gap
52. Old Navy
53. People who try to be bum whisperers
54. Cocaine and the people that do it
55. Overstuffed backpacks
56. That Inside the Actors Studio guy. His over the top showboating about how "down" he is with Dave Chappelle is the most irritating thing on earth. That guy lost me forever when he was talking to Angelina Jolie as if her body of work isn't the most atrocious pile of shit on earth. Which it is.
57. Angelina Jolie as a person and an actress. (Except in Foxfire. Amazing.)
58. Rumer Willis. If yr not going to be out of control, or awesome in SOME way then the door's right here.
60. Fake leather
61. Luggage
62. Anything rouched
63. Hairdressers' own hairdos
64. Open toe shoes
65. Period pieces (except Labamba and Willow)
66. Chicken Soup for the Soul
67. MTV VJs
68. DVDs
69. Music from Orange County except No Doubt
70. Vince Neil
71. When chicks have their dimples pierced
72. Miniature golf
73. Shoestring headbands: send the memo OUT already! That look is BEAT!!!
74. Ramen (I'd rather starve)
75. Accents (all except a southern accent preferably on a gay man--Clay Aiken. Love that dude)
76. Louis Vuitton bucket bags
77. Thick, yellowed, long fingernails
78. Jon and Kate + 8. Get away from me you disgusting tribe. That entire family is like all characters--evil characters--out of Dungeons and Dragons.
79. Mushy apples
80. Gum
81. Emails
82. Texting
83. New Years Eve
84. Anime
85. Cheap cosmetics
86. Missionaries
87. Pictures of missionaries with indigenous peoples
88. The TOMS shoe guy and the way he pronounces "phone" in that dumb commercial. He says it "FUN". TOMS shoes rule though. I mention that only cos I like them a lot but probs not enough for them to make it to my 101 LOVE list.
89. Mannequin Men
90. Pregnancy
91. Yuppies with perfect and complete tattoo sleeves (Jon Mayer much?)
92. Performers
93. Long skirts
94. Weddings
95. Anything funky except for jewelry and RHCP
96. Baby Phat
97. My drivers license photo. Barf city.
98. Strip malls with no trees in the blazing hot sunlight
99. Feet
100. Cartoons
101. Megadeth


  1. i hate mash more than anything. i can't even hear the song without wanting to end my life.

  2. I love that it took you all of 3 minutes to make this list and most of that time was spent narrowing things down to make it only 101. :)

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. What is wrong with Portland you whore?

  5. I hate Portland. Who cares? Who the fuck is hotdogs? Is that you Shannon?

  6. I bet you hate Portland cause thats where all your babies daddies live.

  7. Uh...okay. At least now I know this isn't shannon.