Monday, May 3, 2010


I do not understand the trend of Doc Martens. Yes, I had a pair when I was 14 and even then I knew they were disgusting, but it was 1993 and I wore them with an inside out prairie skirt that I cut into a mini, either a Butthole Surfers or Dinosaur Jr shirt (size XL of course)--the one with the little girl smoking a cig--SHOCKING, black tights with holes in them, and like 3 flannels (worn all at once). Oh and lets not forget the pink hair and choker necklace made out of a bike chain (gift from my pan pal I met out of Maximum Rocknroll). Whatever.
Peaches Geldof is a knucklehead obviously, but her and her friend look AMAZING in this pic-- EXCEPT for those gross Docs on thunder-thighs. I have no complaints for Peaches--totally feeling the vibe, but the friend... didn't get it quite right. She doesn't have her Fangs Up like Peaches.
And its not just these jokers rocking the Docs, its everywhere. They look like you are wearing model-trains on your feet. UGLY! I don't get it. Like dude, Pearl Jam SUCKS. They have sucked since the beginning. YES, they are good for driving around sing-a-longs ONLY when it HAPPENS to come on the radio. YES, the song "Black" is decent at best. Kurt Cobain did not wear Docs. Why? Because even though he was probably a try-hard nerd in other ways, he always looked tight and had an excellent aesthetic visually and sonically. Eddie Vedder is a crooner who wore Doc Martens and shorts.
Another thing Docs reference is skinhead culture, which is sooooo stupid its not even funny. "I'm a non-racist skinhead". Why? You know what that look means to people and culture. I'm gonna allign myself with a group of people who have a specific look that is one of violence, intimidation, hatred, and racism but I'm not really like that, and guess what, I don't even look good. I look like a complete fool. Makes sense.
(These yahoos are a perfect example. Nice hair. Frames your face beautifully, reminds me of this,
which, um doy, is very flattering as well as super cool.)

I'm not saying that "looks" that are intimidating are bad. I'm into american badasses, deeply. I believe the way people dress is often the opposite of what they are really like, actually. I know 300lb metalheads that can make people take a tink in their shorts upon sight, but are actually sensitive animal lovers and and utter sweethearts. And I've known some hare krishna ass crystal fucks that are selfish, rude, manipulative assholes.
Regardless the only time I would wear Doc Martens is if I woke up one morning and all shoes on earth had been eradicated except for Fluevogs,

flip flops, and Docs. Of those options I would begrudgenly opt for the DMs--while wishing that stood for Dungeon Master and not Doc Martens. Homie, I'd rather wear Crocs and I'm being dead serious motherfucker.

[I WILL say that a Doc Marten shoe--NOT a boot, on a man, when broken-in is perfectly acceptable, as is a sparkly silver pair of the boots
IF you had them from high school in the 90's and you use them either as a display or wear them in a Fangs Up way.
And yes, I do make the rules here.]

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