Living in America

The other day at work (who knows the fuck why) we were talking about Marilyn Monroe's height. Someone said they thought she was like 6 feet tall, and I, of course, was like, what the fuck are you talking about, she was totally not tall AND Carmelo goes, "Yeah, she prolly wore those, those, uh push-up clogs." I said, "What, high heels?" (Laughter) "Yeah." PUSH UP CLOGS. Where do you even come up with that?????  Awesome.

THEN Vinny made me nearly wizard my pants when he complimented a customer's Rolex*. He did it with a totally straight face. I was standing next to him and had to roll my eyes over like one of those cat clocks to peep this timepiece...it sincerely took every molecule of my being not to howl with laughter, seeing as it was a WOMAN'S Rolex on a man!!!!!! And it was the most gaudy gold shitter on earth, there were practically lazers shooting off it it was so gold and shiny. After he walked away Vinny kept saying, between hysterical laughter, "That was a woman's Rolex. IT HAD THE THIN BAND! It had the thin band."

*We discuss and make fun of Rolex constantly and have for more than a year. We also mercilessly make fun of Chase Sapphire credit cards and when any person pays with one we hand them their card back and say, "And here is your Chase Sapphire card back". Vinny was the one to start doing that. It nearly killed me.