Friday, July 3, 2009


The Hillz
I tried to find info about the writer/director, Saran Barnun, but there is none. What I can um, concur from my ability to deep troll the internet is that Saran may or may not have a picture of Eddie (Iron Maiden) as his Facebook profile (by the time I found this, which took like 2 troll seconds, I was too bored to sign in and all that to find out what I already know: this person is amazing, and possibly retarded), and he is named after a preservatory plastic wrap. Oh! And I'm pretty sure he is childhood friends with the Hilton sisters.

The FILM begins with a group of teens harrassing a convenient store employee, who is Indian. I'd find this offensive, but since I've never seen this happen in a movie or in real life before, it's pretty darn edgy. The group of teens are from "The Hillz" which I GUESS means rich, but they look and act like they are from Bakersfield. To prove this further they demand the clerk sell them "a bottle of Jack". Like any of the teens in Alpha Dog or Havoc would drink that shit. Saran dude, do yr effing homework son! What follows is a party scene. A member of this exclusive syndicate sleazes up to a group of girls, one of whom is wearing an off-white silk blouse. You are at a party, in "The Hillz", and you decided to borrow your mom's shirt she wears to church? Were we supposed to ignore that she was wearing that??? The group then gives the Lauren Ambrose character a hit of weed and she passes out cold, so a quick rock-paper-scissors decides who will rape her. The leader of the group, Duff I believe, wins but seems upset about it. This is the movie's signature: elusive and complicated, it makes you cock your head to the side and say, "HUH?". Cock. SO. Then Duff finds a gun so they kill a bunch of people; a cop beats one of them to the ground and pisses on his face, for which he shall be slain; Paris Hilton says a lot of bored things poolside while wearing gross bikinis--some thumbless 6 year old with a pair of dull scissors must have a voodoo doll of Paris cos her hair looks like a person with a gun to their head made a wig out of hay in the dark.

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