Sunday, July 5, 2009


This is the best thing I've ever seen.


Time for my review of "Sleuth".
There are several tiers of shitty movies. The bottom tier is things you can't even get straight-to-dvd. Its shit that people released themselves, such as Malaqueerche. Ontop of that are things like this

which, yes, I own.
As the most complicated subset of shit, tier 2 includes movies that are, in their own way, as difficult to watch as say the early experimental works of Terry Reily (I once sat in a movie theater in Seattle watching a two hour long blinking screen, WOW). These films are tedious in their entire presentation, usually due to indulgent (ie long) edits of mundane activity, painful acting, set design that makes Spanish soap operas look like Eyes Wide Shut, and Dad-shooting-a-kid's-soccer-game cinematography. To many these movies are unwatchable, but to me, yo. My bread and effing butter dude. The payoff is in the script. The payoff is in something I am SUPER obsessed with: decisions. Not to be confused with choices. DECISIONS. More about that later. Other movies in tier 2: Instructional videos from the thrift store, Wild Hogs, Air Bud, Pizza, Goulies.

Tier 3 is different from 2 only in that this category is exclusively based on movies that try to capitalize off of timely and popular genres. My personal favorites are the ones that rip off 90's slacker movies, such as "Some Girl": written by and starring that Rabisi sister, the movie opens with her diet-Tori Amos ass running down the street in slo-mo wearing angel wings and creepers to a cover of "The Roof is on Fire"--it gets better form there, Juliette Lewis is a slut, Jeremy Sisto scorches as usual, Adam Goldberg wears a wig and purple-tinted shades and asks if the word "queef" counts in a game of Scrabble (direct rip-off of Reality Bites), many painful conversations and narration help along the vibe as much as the set decor of purple walls and leopard print fabric draped everywhere.
This tier includes straight to video sequels of popular movies such as The Crow.
Other films of tier 3: Body Shots, Girl, Tart, anything with Dominique Swain, The Smokers

The 4th tier is the most palatable because it includes things that some people may even like, as if it is not funny. Like "Finding Forrester". I'm not super into this category because it also is the home of known stinkers such as Gigli, and cult doozies like Showgirls, Troll 2, and Glitter, which yeah, those are all good, but they don't require such archeology on my part. They make it too easy.

One of my favs is for sure tier 5, re-re central. I Am Sam, Sling Blade, Gilbert Grape, Benny and June, Rainman, AND of course The Other Sister. Pure gold.

The 6th and final tier is reserved for the ultimate in movie carnage. What makes them prestigious is that they have budgets. The composition is competent, if not good. Some of these movies have actual movie stars in them, usually ones trying to change their vibe away from innocent. Some of them maybe just trusted the people they were working with. Regardless, something went wrong. Or for me, something went just right. This tier has failsafe viewing potential: you can laugh at it even while alone, although these movies are perfect with the right people and some drink.
"Sleuth" makes the grade for this tier, with flying (rainbow) colors.
Other Tier 6 cuts: Bully, Poison Ivy (one and two), Rocky 4, The Real Cancun, The Butterfly Effect, Sommersby, Georgia Rule, Roadhouse, Fear, Eyes Wide Shut, and the Dungeon Master itself: Havoc.

You REALLY need to see "Sleuth". If only for the part when Jude Law screams "I'M NOT A HAIRDRESSER!!!"
PURE 100% G-O-L-D.


  1. I like the various tiers of awfulness, but I was hoping for a little more about SLEUTH itself. Cause that movie is moment for moment insane.

    Favorite scene? Probably (SPOILER ALERT) Michael Caine in profile, Jude Law dips dramatically into frame from the top left corner and they TOUCH. NOSES. That or the hairdresser line, complete with weird little head flip.

    I like this Film Corner business. Keep it up.


  2. i dont think airbud deserves to be in the same category as wild hogs and pizza...also have you seen the trailer for old dogs? it is basically the sequel to wild hogs (same director even). If ever a movie needed to be seen at the dollar movie mall in WARREN (represent) it is this one: