Excellent question

Yesterday when Bronwyn and I were talking on the phone she asked, "Do you watch that show Real Chance of Love?" I said no. Then she goes, "Who are those guys???"
I had to admit that I have NO EFFING IDEA! Seriously, who are they?????



!!!!

Obsessch of today

Leif Garrett!!!

I only kind of knew who this failure was because when I was young I enjoyed reading magazines like Bop and Tiger Beat--he was a mild fixture in those, but my appreciation for the man came much later when I was in LA and my friend Rob showed me Leif's house: a shanty across the street from Target. The Target that is on like LaBrea. THEN there was the amazing behind the music... get out of town; AMAZING. His insane apology to that frazzle-fry he paralyzed! Leif was high on fucking fire during the whole thing! And the fraggle kept talking about some crappy boombox Leif brought to him in the hospital, what! The way that TV has progressed is seriously a gift from god.


This is a zesty pose, ZANG!


What if I walked into a hair salon and slapped this photo and a hundred dollar bill down! I would look so incredible the world would probably explode.



Yeah, not weird at all.


I'm kind of into this couch. I know its kind of American Apparel ad-ish but I don't know, I'm into it. It reminds me of the movie Bully, which is the best movie ever made, so, yeah.


Ok enough of this though. What about how just now when I did some Leif trollage I was parusing his official website and came across the merch. Yes, merchandise. (Side note: its never a bad idea to get a head start on Christmas shopping, am I wrong?)
Let's check out some of the wonderous baubles offered.

Get A Leif!!!! This bag is beyond worth getting simply because having to EXPLAIN what it means all the time would be so...complicated. Right?

Lalala-la-la, oh, what? What's this? Oh just a journal. This really interesting, almost outsider artist from LA designed the cover. He's kind of obscure, Leif Per Nervik.* Have you heard of him?


Hard to think of a person who this wouldn't be theeee most perfect gift for. At least on the planet called BRITTANY.


BONG!


*His real name

what will happen is, what will happen is...

So they have this amazing thing where if you buy a sandwich at Subway you get a code which allows you to get concert tickets for 5 clams! Guess what shows you can see:

Creed
Nickleback
or Motley Crue

I want to go to all of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nickleback is with Paparoach!

Obsession of today

I was laying in bed this morning thinking about how Elizabeth Taylor has always cut her own hair. I don't know how this thought entered my brain, maybe some classy lady walked by my window wearing this

and the wizardly scent of it's Dynastical brew wafted into my brain! I then started thinking about how much ET rules! Plus she's got that Miss Piggy style I love. Formal wear + wheelchair = John Galliano hasn't even tried that next level business. Note to self: fashion show idea.

Another one

Here is a complete list of all the jobs I have ever had. I started yet another one yesterday which I will be doing two days a week, probably til the end of time.

-corn detassler
-grocery cashier
-librarian
-florist
-environmental science lab technician
-pacific sunwear
-movie theater
-PA Jenny Jones Show
-pizza maker (Sicilian) & dough specialist
-record store
-roadie
-personal assistant
-survey-er
-nanny (3 different kids)
-promotions
-photo shoot assistant
-baker
-Goodwill supervisor
-buyer
-Sex toy seller
-door person at Fireside
-temp
-receptionist
-accountant
-assembler of 6-packs

I know I'm forgetting some, I can feel it.

ill

Seriously dooood

STEP AWAY FROM THE SNACKS!!!!!!!!!

Style

Seeing this photo lets me know that I am not even close to having what is severely my ultimate dream style, but its cool cos it gives me an attainable goal:



Topped off with this hairdo



and maybe this tshirt

MY NAME IS BRIIIIIIIIIIITT...

Why do I HAVE to title blogs? SO boring to try to think of something!

Just got back from Lake Huron, where I stayed in a cabin and read Nikki Sixx's Heroin Diaries (more like Diahrreas!!! Hahahahahaha) followed by The Dirt (the story of Motley Crue). I already hated Nikki Sixx to begin with based on the Motley Crue: Behind the Music. We get it troll, you "DIED". Big whoop. I am obsessed with how throughout both books this clown thinks that Motley Crue is so far superior to Poison and other buttrock bands of the time. Yes, they are cooler than all of those bands, but only for two reasons: their insane use of pentagrams all over the place, and obviously Mick Mars--who in The Dirt does NOT disappoint.

Here is one of many amazing quotes from him in this book: "I was in pain every day and worn out from years of driving 780 miles to each gig with a band that's squabbling like tittie-babies. It was getting pretty hairball."
SLANG ALERT! "Hairball" is filed to the immediate top of my lexicon.
Motley Crue's songs are not good. Vince Neil looks like Stiffler's mom (which is a total diss to her cos she rules) and is a complete and utter piece of human garbage. He KILLED someone while drunk driving and seriously injured two people in another car, yet spends his entire life whining like a spookhouse door on Halloween about his bloated, disgusting worthless life. NICE lip-injections bro. Lookin good, lookin DAMN good.


As I always suspected though, Tommy Lee rules. He is a blazing moron, but he rules. His chapters are practically on fire. It is as if he was recorded talking and someone simply transcribed what he was saying. All writing should be like that. Envy!
Here are some highlights I found to be positively remarkable:
(Part of a phone conversation pertaining to T-Lee and Pam's first date which she forgot about) Pamela: "Hey, whats up?"
Tommy: "Dude, what are you doing right now?"
He refered to her, to her face, as "dude"????? Its a grown woman, not Elissa Steamer! So cool.
Here is the beginning of his first chapter, word-for-word:
"Duuuuuude. Fuck yeah. Finally. How much room is Nikki going to get, bro? Fuck. The dude tried to put his own mother in jail. I love him; we've practically been married for twenty years. But sometimes its dsyfunction junction over there."
SLANG ALERT: Dysfunction junction? Even I don't have feathery enough nads to use that doozer!
"I'm a hopeless fucking romantic. That's a part of me a lot of people don't know about. [They don't know] a thing about my heart. Dude, its bad, but its all good. All fucking good."
I could read his writing all day. All fucking day. I'm going to have to take a stroll down to Myopic and get "Tommyland". I saw it there last week, WHY didn't I buy that brilliant opus??? Obviously it was shopping coma's own brainfart. WAAAAH!
Oh also, not a big deal at all, like in any way, but what about how Tommy NONCHALANTLY describes how he got into playing music with this lil anecdote: "When the milkman came by playing an accordion, I decided I wanted to learn the squeezebox."
(I know you can't see me, but I am sitting here in american flag shorts and a Napalm Death tshirt I got at Hot Topic this week--buy one get one 1/2 off: I chose A Death Row Record tshirt with Shug, Snoop, Dre and Pac 's faces on it as my sale item-- raising my eyebrows so high I can't believe they haven't flown off my fucking face.) WHA???? I know Tommy Lee is old, but seriously???? A "squeezebox"? An accordion-playing milkman??? Its like something out of O Brother Where Art Thou!

The T-Pain one is Patty's and it was on clearance for a mere 7 clams! Deep score. At the same mall I was luck enough to purchase these beauties


from this awe-inspiring treasure trove

which was owned and operated by a tweaker duo who were both shockingly lucid, friendly, and articulate. The 80 pounder with face tats who rang me up didn't even bat an eye at my complicated money arrangement (so that I would get a 5 and change out of a 20 rather than 4 and change). Not bad lil townie wizard. Great job!