1. That you can buy Sonic Youth CDs at Starbucks
2. Nachos
3. Trolls
4. Cassavettes (father and son, not the daughter. The son made The Notebook and Alpha Dog. HUH?????)
5. Riot grrrl culture and fashion and music
6. Los Angeles
7. Bubba (a dog I used to know)
8. Bronwyn
9. Cool boots
10. Sunset
11. Heckling bands
12. Luxurious items such as handstitched lambskin and cashmere socks
13. Frozen yogurt
14. Graph paper
15. Heavy metal on cassette
16. Montana thrift stores
17. Lindsay Lohan/Sam Ronson
18. Straight to video
19. Made for TV movies of the 70's, 80's and 90s
20. Flannery Oconnor
21. Old sweatshirts
22. Coutney Love interviews
23. Going to Barneys and pretending to be rich and buying nothing
24. Point Break
25. Calling someone a hooker who isn't
26. Wonderwall
27. Mood lighting
28. Birds that walk around acting weird
29. Grindcore mosh breakdowns
30. Ralph Lauren and his hilarious fake ranch-hand vibe
31. Weeping willows
32. The music video for Candlebox "Far Behind"
33. Dilapitated neighborhoods and buildings
34. Herzog
35. GG Allin's tattoos
36. Shameless celebrities
37. Italian Vogue
38. Girls w/ moustaches
39. Outrageous compulsive liars
40. Old punk shirts
41. Dancehall
42. Imagining my funeral
43. Rabid Rabbit
44. 90's diva house
45. When you dread going to work but the day ends up being pretty smooth and fun
46. John Waters
47. Aerosmith (all eras)
48. Wild parties
49. Last American Virgin
50. The woman who works at the Chanel makeup counter at Macy's who has the biggest moustache on earth. Don't even tell me you can't get a job, puhlease.
51. Bluetooths!
52. Pretending I don't know anything about art
53. Anthrax (the band)
54. The era between 1978-1983 (can of Strohs, feathered hair)
55. Bijou Phillips!!!
56. Talking on the phone
57. Cooking delicious food
58. The aesthetic of used car lots
59. Wood paneling
60. Twin Peaks
61. The point when someones laugh becomes a cackle. (J/k)
62. Overhearing yuppie women talk about their love lives (delusion in general)
63. House plants
64. Cable and all of the amazing shows to see on it
65. Balenciaga
66. Having the same convo over and over and over about The Hills and never getting anywhere. Like its supposed to be not totally fake, fine, but what IS real? Lauren has her own busted ass clothing line (in real life) but "works" at People's Revolution for that wizard woman who seriously needs her own show immediately. In real life Heidi has a whoop ass singing career, but that's never discussed, instead she sits at a desk at "Bolthouse" so she can wait til Spencer pulls up in his retarded I-have-a-small-dick car and they can talk about their ridiculous problems. Also, according to Heidi, "Bolthouse" is pronounced "Bowlhousse". WTFE. Pure trolls.
67. Coming up with names for bands that will never happen
68. James Spader
69. Royal Trux
70. 1989 Red Fararri and daydreaming about driving one while blasting Suckdog and not slowing down while turning corners
71. Jesus' Son (the book NOT the movie)
72. The Mamas and the Papas
73. The Noid, Spuds Mackenzie, etc
74. Nuns (the only legitimate living thing that is 100% terrifying--besides being attacked by a pissed off bear or vicious jungle cat. Preists? Not a big deal, they're harmless. Cops? F-U! But NUNS?????? Scary!
75. Speaking of cops, the show COPS.
76. While I'm in that mind frame: Beth from DOG Bounty Hunter. Shout out to all the Miss Piggy chicks out there. (You don't have to be fat to be a Miss Piggy, fyi. Daisy of Love fully counts)
77. Black Flag
78. Heathers
79. 1979
80. Unexpectedly hearing those opening notes of "Mother" by Danzig
81. The Gonz
82. Spin the tazer
83. People who TCB (usually lesbians)
84. Vintage, peeling wallpaper
85. How people still refer to Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano, and also that he spearheads a band that sounds like he's in the 10th grade (which is far beyond where he is mentally)
86. Car mod
87. The aesthetic of Crass
88. Richard Simmons
89. Ikea
90. Johnnie Walker Black
91. Kid Rock
92. That two of the guys in Slayer are obviously gay for each other
93. Stock car races
94. Curried squash with tofu
95. Samantha Fox
96. The Replacements
97. Class rings
98. Juggalos
99. Dirty white jeans
100. Cliff Burton and Dee Dee Ramone (tie)
101. Miami Vice
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Love/Hate: Hate
101 Things I Hate
1. Doritos
2. Goatees
3. Kevin Smith--him as a person and his vibe when copied by others; trenchcoats in gen
4. Pleats
5. When dudes wear soccer shirts as streetwear
6. Sofia Coppola
7. Network TV
8. Underbites
9. M*A*S*H
10. Seinfeld
11. Curb Your Enthusiasm
12. When dudes exaggerate neurotic behavior to appear complicated and/or charming
13. People who give themselves nicknames
14. McDonalds wrappers
15. Talking about politics
16. When 9-5 office types have bands that sound like Mogwai
17. Bud Light
18. Outdoor festivals
19. When people think some band is metal but isn't (DTFM)
20. Pearl Jam and its members, esp EV although the song 'Black' is ok but not often
21. Facial piercings
22. Musicals
23. White dreads
24. People pretending to be bike messengers
25. Unframed posters
26. Eurotrash with attitude probs
27. TJ Maxx dressing room
28. Centaurs
29. Pot and pot paraphernalia
30. Bettie Page bangs
31. Stained pillows
32. PDA and/or an extended embrace during a live band
33. Slow walkers
34. Portland
35. Overcautious women on corny, expensive foreign bicycles (usually a cruiser of some kind)--the type of woman who has a blog about her bike, wears Camper shoes, and listens to Poi Dog Pondering.
36. Video games
37. Crayons
38. Singer-songwriters
39. People who stand and watch street performers while nodding their heads as if they "really get it"
40. Cooked carrots
41. Inflamed gums
42. Teens
43. Stained carpet
44. Curled-brimmed baseball caps
45. Pleated mini-skirts
46. Square-toed shoes or boots
47. Tears-of-a-clown vibe
48. Romance
49. J Crew
50. Banana Republic
51. Gap
52. Old Navy
53. People who try to be bum whisperers
54. Cocaine and the people that do it
55. Overstuffed backpacks
56. That Inside the Actors Studio guy. His over the top showboating about how "down" he is with Dave Chappelle is the most irritating thing on earth. That guy lost me forever when he was talking to Angelina Jolie as if her body of work isn't the most atrocious pile of shit on earth. Which it is.
57. Angelina Jolie as a person and an actress. (Except in Foxfire. Amazing.)
58. Rumer Willis. If yr not going to be out of control, or awesome in SOME way then the door's right here.
60. Fake leather
61. Luggage
62. Anything rouched
63. Hairdressers' own hairdos
64. Open toe shoes
65. Period pieces (except Labamba and Willow)
66. Chicken Soup for the Soul
67. MTV VJs
68. DVDs
69. Music from Orange County except No Doubt
70. Vince Neil
71. When chicks have their dimples pierced
72. Miniature golf
73. Shoestring headbands: send the memo OUT already! That look is BEAT!!!
74. Ramen (I'd rather starve)
75. Accents (all except a southern accent preferably on a gay man--Clay Aiken. Love that dude)
76. Louis Vuitton bucket bags
77. Thick, yellowed, long fingernails
78. Jon and Kate + 8. Get away from me you disgusting tribe. That entire family is like all characters--evil characters--out of Dungeons and Dragons.
79. Mushy apples
80. Gum
81. Emails
82. Texting
83. New Years Eve
84. Anime
85. Cheap cosmetics
86. Missionaries
87. Pictures of missionaries with indigenous peoples
88. The TOMS shoe guy and the way he pronounces "phone" in that dumb commercial. He says it "FUN". TOMS shoes rule though. I mention that only cos I like them a lot but probs not enough for them to make it to my 101 LOVE list.
89. Mannequin Men
90. Pregnancy
91. Yuppies with perfect and complete tattoo sleeves (Jon Mayer much?)
92. Performers
93. Long skirts
94. Weddings
95. Anything funky except for jewelry and RHCP
96. Baby Phat
97. My drivers license photo. Barf city.
98. Strip malls with no trees in the blazing hot sunlight
99. Feet
100. Cartoons
101. Megadeth
1. Doritos
2. Goatees
3. Kevin Smith--him as a person and his vibe when copied by others; trenchcoats in gen
4. Pleats
5. When dudes wear soccer shirts as streetwear
6. Sofia Coppola
7. Network TV
8. Underbites
9. M*A*S*H
10. Seinfeld
11. Curb Your Enthusiasm
12. When dudes exaggerate neurotic behavior to appear complicated and/or charming
13. People who give themselves nicknames
14. McDonalds wrappers
15. Talking about politics
16. When 9-5 office types have bands that sound like Mogwai
17. Bud Light
18. Outdoor festivals
19. When people think some band is metal but isn't (DTFM)
20. Pearl Jam and its members, esp EV although the song 'Black' is ok but not often
21. Facial piercings
22. Musicals
23. White dreads
24. People pretending to be bike messengers
25. Unframed posters
26. Eurotrash with attitude probs
27. TJ Maxx dressing room
28. Centaurs
29. Pot and pot paraphernalia
30. Bettie Page bangs
31. Stained pillows
32. PDA and/or an extended embrace during a live band
33. Slow walkers
34. Portland
35. Overcautious women on corny, expensive foreign bicycles (usually a cruiser of some kind)--the type of woman who has a blog about her bike, wears Camper shoes, and listens to Poi Dog Pondering.
36. Video games
37. Crayons
38. Singer-songwriters
39. People who stand and watch street performers while nodding their heads as if they "really get it"
40. Cooked carrots
41. Inflamed gums
42. Teens
43. Stained carpet
44. Curled-brimmed baseball caps
45. Pleated mini-skirts
46. Square-toed shoes or boots
47. Tears-of-a-clown vibe
48. Romance
49. J Crew
50. Banana Republic
51. Gap
52. Old Navy
53. People who try to be bum whisperers
54. Cocaine and the people that do it
55. Overstuffed backpacks
56. That Inside the Actors Studio guy. His over the top showboating about how "down" he is with Dave Chappelle is the most irritating thing on earth. That guy lost me forever when he was talking to Angelina Jolie as if her body of work isn't the most atrocious pile of shit on earth. Which it is.
57. Angelina Jolie as a person and an actress. (Except in Foxfire. Amazing.)
58. Rumer Willis. If yr not going to be out of control, or awesome in SOME way then the door's right here.
60. Fake leather
61. Luggage
62. Anything rouched
63. Hairdressers' own hairdos
64. Open toe shoes
65. Period pieces (except Labamba and Willow)
66. Chicken Soup for the Soul
67. MTV VJs
68. DVDs
69. Music from Orange County except No Doubt
70. Vince Neil
71. When chicks have their dimples pierced
72. Miniature golf
73. Shoestring headbands: send the memo OUT already! That look is BEAT!!!
74. Ramen (I'd rather starve)
75. Accents (all except a southern accent preferably on a gay man--Clay Aiken. Love that dude)
76. Louis Vuitton bucket bags
77. Thick, yellowed, long fingernails
78. Jon and Kate + 8. Get away from me you disgusting tribe. That entire family is like all characters--evil characters--out of Dungeons and Dragons.
79. Mushy apples
80. Gum
81. Emails
82. Texting
83. New Years Eve
84. Anime
85. Cheap cosmetics
86. Missionaries
87. Pictures of missionaries with indigenous peoples
88. The TOMS shoe guy and the way he pronounces "phone" in that dumb commercial. He says it "FUN". TOMS shoes rule though. I mention that only cos I like them a lot but probs not enough for them to make it to my 101 LOVE list.
89. Mannequin Men
90. Pregnancy
91. Yuppies with perfect and complete tattoo sleeves (Jon Mayer much?)
92. Performers
93. Long skirts
94. Weddings
95. Anything funky except for jewelry and RHCP
96. Baby Phat
97. My drivers license photo. Barf city.
98. Strip malls with no trees in the blazing hot sunlight
99. Feet
100. Cartoons
101. Megadeth
Monday, June 22, 2009
HJNTIY
Last night we rented He's Just Not That Into You. I thought it would suck in a mellow way, but this was some definite next level business.
In it:
Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck are a couple. YEAH. Nice teeth Ben, and pat yr plastic surgeon on the back for me. Great work!
There was one character that I'm not sure who played her, I think it was Beth from DOG Bounty Hunter. Or was it Brooke Hogan? I'm not sure, but either way, excellent performance.
Jennifer Conolley freaks out because her husband is smoking American Spirits. Who cares? Aren't those like smoking some carrots, celery and apples? I thought they were GOOD for you.
Also, unrelated, there is a part on this weeks Daisy of Love where this short fool is chasing after Daisy and he runs up a set of stairs after her, it is DEEP tv carnage. I keep replaying it in my mind nonstop. He is running, but he can't take big strides because he is like 4 feet tall, but more so than that he wears his pants so that the waist is like at the place where your leg bends at the pelvis, but the pants are tight. It is seriously the best thing I have ever seen.
In it:
Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck are a couple. YEAH. Nice teeth Ben, and pat yr plastic surgeon on the back for me. Great work!
There was one character that I'm not sure who played her, I think it was Beth from DOG Bounty Hunter. Or was it Brooke Hogan? I'm not sure, but either way, excellent performance.
Jennifer Conolley freaks out because her husband is smoking American Spirits. Who cares? Aren't those like smoking some carrots, celery and apples? I thought they were GOOD for you.
Also, unrelated, there is a part on this weeks Daisy of Love where this short fool is chasing after Daisy and he runs up a set of stairs after her, it is DEEP tv carnage. I keep replaying it in my mind nonstop. He is running, but he can't take big strides because he is like 4 feet tall, but more so than that he wears his pants so that the waist is like at the place where your leg bends at the pelvis, but the pants are tight. It is seriously the best thing I have ever seen.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Que Suerte
How lucky you are that apparently I have no interest in doing anything but blogging today.
Lucky for me I have had a LOT of luck on shopping trips lately. Here's a few selections. Don't worry, theres a lot more where this came from.
Found these lil buddies at the thrift store (duh, do i even go anywhere else?). I love all of their expressions. The bunny is like the drug dealer who doesn't hold money or drugs, he just directs all the, you know, clockers. The middle dog has a kind of "huh? Who, me?" guilty vibe. Whatev, he's still a bad ass. The other dog, with the bow, is like their slow cousin. Doesn't it look like they know that they are having their picture taken? I love them so much. What a great find.
This is like the shirt of my dreams!
I've been really really lucky with FILM lately, WOW. My apartment is turning into what the Smithsonian SHOULD be.
This is possibly the best documentary ever made. If you think I'm kidding come over and we will watch it. Mind=blown. Capesh? Bring beer ok?
Unfortunately the trailer leaves out the best part: Jerry OConnell saying, "A finger up the butt during sex? Fuck yeah!"
Self explainitory. I know everybody's obsessed with the duster/walking on sunshine girl, and yes, she is amazing--especially when she's rocking the Jackie-O trench coat/shades deal, but my personal fav is the guy who only cares about doing meth and looking for bearle (which is a weird type of wood). Whatever, that's just me.
AND, the best for last:
No big deal at all.
Lucky for me I have had a LOT of luck on shopping trips lately. Here's a few selections. Don't worry, theres a lot more where this came from.
Found these lil buddies at the thrift store (duh, do i even go anywhere else?). I love all of their expressions. The bunny is like the drug dealer who doesn't hold money or drugs, he just directs all the, you know, clockers. The middle dog has a kind of "huh? Who, me?" guilty vibe. Whatev, he's still a bad ass. The other dog, with the bow, is like their slow cousin. Doesn't it look like they know that they are having their picture taken? I love them so much. What a great find.
This is like the shirt of my dreams!
I've been really really lucky with FILM lately, WOW. My apartment is turning into what the Smithsonian SHOULD be.
This is possibly the best documentary ever made. If you think I'm kidding come over and we will watch it. Mind=blown. Capesh? Bring beer ok?
Unfortunately the trailer leaves out the best part: Jerry OConnell saying, "A finger up the butt during sex? Fuck yeah!"
Self explainitory. I know everybody's obsessed with the duster/walking on sunshine girl, and yes, she is amazing--especially when she's rocking the Jackie-O trench coat/shades deal, but my personal fav is the guy who only cares about doing meth and looking for bearle (which is a weird type of wood). Whatever, that's just me.
AND, the best for last:
No big deal at all.
Deaw Gawd, I beweeve in u, yow magic is weeeaow.
This is the new cast for Celebrity Rehab 3!!!!!!!! Is that Mandy Moore? DUDES! I can't even believe how deeply amazing this show is, and I CANNOT believe I am lucky enough to be alive to watch it. It is as if god himself is sending me this show directly via a glittery lightning bolt while winking and saying, "This one's for you kid. You deserve it."
The show will follow Mackenzie Phillips (One Day At A Time), Heidi Fleiss, Dennis Rodman, Mindy McCready (country music singer), Lisa D’Amato (America’s Next Top Model), Mike Starr (Alice in Chains), Kari Ann Peniche (ex-Miss United States Teen) Joey Kovar (Real World Hollywood), and Tom Sizemore.
Tom Sizemore and Heidi Fleiss--the woman who turned him onto meth in the first place in rehab TOGETHER and it will be on FILM (or tape)????? I hear angels singing, I see baby trolls with pastel-colored hair tumbling on piles of stardust, I smell a thousand cupcakes freshly baked by Betty White in a mushroom shaped cottage in a Keeblerian village as frogs in tiny jeans and suspenders ride by on miniture bicycles with baskets of flowers on them, whistling "Man in the Box" and waving a cheerful hello to everyone in the neighborhood.
DO U GET IT????? I AM STOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xinfinity*
*Speaking of infinity, I hate summer and the heat but I LOVE seeing people's crappy tattoos now that everybody has to walk around in unflattering spagetti strap tank tops and crocs and shit, and yesterday ALONE I spied not one but TWO infinity symbol tattoos on yuppie-esque women. Mazel tov!
Nylon is so gross
Bought the new Nylon yesterday cos my job is boring. And what else am I going to buy? Cosmo? God do they even make that thing still? Who READS it? ANYWAY. Bookmarked a few items to discuss...
--My least fav type of vibe: The WESC ad which features a girl using boc choy as a megaphone. La-hame nuggs.
--Oh yes, the important, global reporting of my favorite racist*, vapid, lust zombie: Peaches Geldof. Check this before anything else and then we'll talk.
You should note that Peaches is said to be a "journalist". You write a page in Nylon about NOTHING. Okay, I caught myself, you got me, that is journalism. I'm happy about that cos it makes ME a journalist too, I mean this blog is published right? Now I can add to my list: popcorn maker, fashion designer, grocery cashier, florist, pizza maker, accountant, Goodwill supervisor, environmental lab technician, curator, roadie, corn detassler, baker, bouncer, JOURNALIST.
ANYWAY!!!
This issue Peaches goes deep into the world of Coachella, and here's the highlights, although I do not blame you if you go and buy two copies of this magazine (one to archive in plastic to later sell at Antiques Roadshow, or Christie's, or Sotheby's no doubt for thousands and thousands, if not MILLIONS, of dollars.)
"...We met up with [blah blah blah--more idiots that don't matter in the slightest] at the Ace Hotel party, where I snagged some stonewashed Levi's for free." JOURNALISM.
"...Jonny and I lounged around poolside, trying (and failing) to avoid an onslaught of splash attacks-Jonny eventually gave in and swam in his Jeremy Scott sunglasses and tshirt." DEEEEEEP JOURNALISM.
If you don't know, this is Jeremy Scott
He is thee deepest most atrocious YBNormal on the streets today. His clothes reflect that, as you can see:
Oh oh oh! Here it is, the crown jewel on this meticulous pyramid of absolute barf:
"I wandered off to see Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band [ed. note: Mystic Valley Band? WOW. Can I get the dressing on the side?] play a set that perfectly fit the desert surroundings, his voice at turns hushed and soaring, as he told tales of wildfires and lost highways."
I wish SO badly that there was a function on here that let me install a red, screeching siren, cos it would be GOING OFF RIGHT NOW. I will have to settle for a "GONG!!!"
Seriously though, is that not the most embarrassing thing you have ever read? I am dying inside. People just do not know!
*The reason I called her a racist is because in that interview on The Selby she talks about mexican guys checking her out in her neighborhood. Because she lives in Brooklyn which is like you know, so ethnic and everything, she's really slumming it in her weird Less Than Zero cocaine castle with those EMBARRASSING trolls!!!!! I wish I had a swimming pool cos after talking about this toolbag I want to take a refreshing dip and clear my mind. Maybe "let my mind wander to desert plains, where the heat swims in waves and simmers off surfaces."
--My least fav type of vibe: The WESC ad which features a girl using boc choy as a megaphone. La-hame nuggs.
--Oh yes, the important, global reporting of my favorite racist*, vapid, lust zombie: Peaches Geldof. Check this before anything else and then we'll talk.
You should note that Peaches is said to be a "journalist". You write a page in Nylon about NOTHING. Okay, I caught myself, you got me, that is journalism. I'm happy about that cos it makes ME a journalist too, I mean this blog is published right? Now I can add to my list: popcorn maker, fashion designer, grocery cashier, florist, pizza maker, accountant, Goodwill supervisor, environmental lab technician, curator, roadie, corn detassler, baker, bouncer, JOURNALIST.
ANYWAY!!!
This issue Peaches goes deep into the world of Coachella, and here's the highlights, although I do not blame you if you go and buy two copies of this magazine (one to archive in plastic to later sell at Antiques Roadshow, or Christie's, or Sotheby's no doubt for thousands and thousands, if not MILLIONS, of dollars.)
"...We met up with [blah blah blah--more idiots that don't matter in the slightest] at the Ace Hotel party, where I snagged some stonewashed Levi's for free." JOURNALISM.
"...Jonny and I lounged around poolside, trying (and failing) to avoid an onslaught of splash attacks-Jonny eventually gave in and swam in his Jeremy Scott sunglasses and tshirt." DEEEEEEP JOURNALISM.
If you don't know, this is Jeremy Scott
He is thee deepest most atrocious YBNormal on the streets today. His clothes reflect that, as you can see:
Oh oh oh! Here it is, the crown jewel on this meticulous pyramid of absolute barf:
"I wandered off to see Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band [ed. note: Mystic Valley Band? WOW. Can I get the dressing on the side?] play a set that perfectly fit the desert surroundings, his voice at turns hushed and soaring, as he told tales of wildfires and lost highways."
I wish SO badly that there was a function on here that let me install a red, screeching siren, cos it would be GOING OFF RIGHT NOW. I will have to settle for a "GONG!!!"
Seriously though, is that not the most embarrassing thing you have ever read? I am dying inside. People just do not know!
*The reason I called her a racist is because in that interview on The Selby she talks about mexican guys checking her out in her neighborhood. Because she lives in Brooklyn which is like you know, so ethnic and everything, she's really slumming it in her weird Less Than Zero cocaine castle with those EMBARRASSING trolls!!!!! I wish I had a swimming pool cos after talking about this toolbag I want to take a refreshing dip and clear my mind. Maybe "let my mind wander to desert plains, where the heat swims in waves and simmers off surfaces."
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